Well, Hello There...

Well, hello there.

It’s been so long I almost forgot how to do this. Put together a blog post, not write (although I do seem to struggle with that some days, usually when I haven’t had enough sleep, or coffee, or both). In fact, I think this may be one of the longest periods I’ve gone without even opening up my website, let alone putting out a new post. But sometimes you just need a break from something, especially when that something is something you’ve been doing for almost 10 years.

And especially when somewhere in that almost 10 years you got the brilliant idea to start sharing your life and incorporating your life into your content (Who told me that was a brilliant idea again?!). Like I absolutely love what I do. I love sharing and I’m thrilled to have this brand and business and site that I’ve built. I feel grateful to wake up every day and see what I’ve built, knowing just how lucky I am to do something I truly love and enjoy. But that doesn’t mean it’s not work and it’s not a job and it doesn’t have it’s challenges and tough days, just like any other job (side note + unpopular opinion- do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life is a lie. I’m sorry but it is and it needs to be said.).

And just like any other job, sometimes you just need a break. Sometimes I just don’t want to share. Especially when things are challenging and difficult. And I’m kind of an all or nothing type of girl, so there’s really no in-between for me. There’s no “let me just share what I choose to share while I ignore the bad stuff happening in my life and the world”. It’s all or nothing with me. I like to keep it real and I wear my heart on my sleeve and I’m emotional and I’m just not good at hiding when something bad is happening. So I just close up and close off and choose to not share anything at all.

I love creating and sharing and inspiring, but sometimes I need to step away and re-charge and get inspired myself so I can that take that inspiration and create. It’s hard to be the inspiration when I have nothing inspiring me.

It’s also safe to say the last year and half has been anything but inspiring. I’ve realized what inspires me has changed. I’ve changed. The last year and half has changed me. It’s probably changed you, too.

I noticed myself pulling away from what I had to say, how I wanted to create, what I wanted to share. It started to feel like it didn’t matter, it was pointless, that I as just throwing things out into a big black hole. It felt like nothing I could put out would be worthy or needed or necessary with everything going on.

While I’ve taken breaks before, I’ve never taken one quite like this. Not putting a deadline to get back to posting, not checking my site, not signing in. Nothing. Just cold hard stop. I told myself I wouldn’t put pressure on myself to get back to posting by a certain date. Instead, I gave myself permission to wait until I felt like it. Until I had the urge, until the words were flowing so quickly that my fingers couldn’t keep up, until the ideas were pouring out of every cell in my body, until I felt so excited to create that I was like a kid waiting for Christmas morning and I couldn’t sleep because I was just too excited.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I doubted this decision multiple times, almost every day, in fact. After all, why would I just abandon this site and business that I’ve worked so hard to create? Who am I to just walk away? Do I really have the luxury to take a break like this? And the worst thing imaginable, what if I never ever feel creative again? What if I no longer love this? What if, in building this business, I made myself hate all the things I love by turning them into my work and my career?

I struggled for several months. I got really down. Like really, really down. I felt beyond lost. I was scared I would never want to open up my site ever again. I even got my domain renewal notice and felt the urge to hit “Cancel” instead of “Renew”.

And then when I had lost all hope, and was starting to explore what other talents I have that I could turn into a career (Is extreme anxiety a marketable quality these days??! Asking for a friend…), it happened. That night-before-Christmas feeling. The desire to write and create and share came flooding back. And the tears came flooding, too, because I truly never thought I would feel this way again.

After taking some time to step back and assess, I couldn’t help but feel my heart strings tugging at me to create. It’s who I am, it’s what I do. And I remembered why I started down this whole journey anyways. I just wanted to create a space for something bright, something good, something real, something beautiful, something inspiring, something that makes people smile, something that gives people confidence to be themselves, to try something new, to find the beauty and style and good taste in their every day lives. There’s so much bad in the world. It’s easy to find, you really don’t have to look too hard to find it.

But the good? It’s a little harder to find these days. But it’s there. The good things, the good news, the good deeds, the good people. I’ve always wanted to be the good and I still do. There’s enough bad in the world, people need good. I need to be that good, create that good, share that good, not because I’m ignorant or don’t care, but because I’m aware and I DO care. I know my purpose is to create a bright spot, a little corner of good in this world that can feel so dark. And through doing that and sharing that good, building a platform that gives back. That has always been and still remains my ultimate good. To have a platform built on good content to then do good in the world.

As we we’re re-painting our kitchen recently, I joked to Dave that I’m sorry he got stuck doing something for the aesthetics and the ‘gram. Without skipping a beat, he said “Are you kidding? This isn’t about Instagram or a photo. This is who you are. You’ve been doing this long before the ‘gram and you’'ll be doing long after.” And he’s not wrong. I instantly flashed back to being 10 years old, begging my Mom to drive me to the hardware store to pick out paint samples so I could re-do my bedroom for the hundredth time. And then picking out a beautiful pale robin’s egg blue, that coordinated with my bedding set perfectly, buying the paint and supplies with chore money I had saved up, moving my furniture and staying up late to get everything painted, before re-arranging my bedroom for the umpteenth time.

And putting together outfits with whatever was in the dress-up box. And hosting tea parties, and earth day clean-up groups, and putting together plays and performances. And writing a newsletter with recipes and articles and DIY’s. And making and selling jewelry. And joining the kid’s entrepreneurs day at our local children’s museum. And getting in the kitchen to concoct treats for my family. And getting the country-themed books from the library to cook recipes and discover more about places around the world. And using whatever camera I could get my hands on to take photos.

And using herbs to try to create a “pill” to cure cancer (Bless my little heart, I really thought I had it figured out at a mere few years old). And concocting beauty treatments out of oils and herbs. And DIY’ing everything from home goods to clothing items. And making floral arrangements to enter at the 4-H fair. And spending countless hours at thrift stores and garage sales, with my Mom, hunting down and negotiating for the best treasures I could find (Without a doubt my greatest purchase was, by far, a Mariah Carey cassette for a nickel! What a steal! Also, please don’t tell me if you don’t know what a cassette is. I already feel old enough, no reminders necessary.).

So, yeah, I guess you could say I’ve been doing this stuff long before the ‘gram. I guess Dave’s actually right (for once! ha!). Not much has changed.

10 years is a long time, for anything. I truly thought I had reached my max. A career change was inevitable. But this isn’t a career. This is my life. I’ve been creating since I could walk and I’ll be creating until I stop walking (and maybe even beyond that). It’s in my blood, it’s who I am. And the reality is, I’ll be doing it long after the ‘gram goes away. There really is no other option for me. There is no office job, or going back to some other career. This is who I am. Maybe there are slight adjustments or variations, as I grow and change, but those core values and things I love are always there.

And my site, it’s where I’m able to share all my crazy ideas and fascinations and hobbies and loves in one place. What an absolute gift.

And what an absolute gift to have people who also care about those things, too. Who take that time to visit, to read, to be inspired, to do good, to re-create, to share, to be here, even when I’m not. Thank you.

(And I just realized this sounds like I’m writing my post reflecting on 10 years of doing this, not on taking a mini hiatus. I mean, I just really know how to time things, right, don’t I?! *insert palm to face emoji* Soooo, I guess same post, same place, same time next month??! Ha!)

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