I’m no stranger to creative ruts.

In fact, at this point in the game, I’ve just learned to accept that they come with the territory of being a creative. Sometimes they’re worse than others, sometimes they’re longer than others, and sometimes, all the time, they’re absolutely terrible to deal with.

But last month, I may have had the most terrible of them all. It was torturous and crippling and had me on the verge of throwing in the towel and giving up the creative life forever.

While I usually can’t predict when a creative rut is going to set in, or even how long it’ll last, I have come to realize that a post-holiday one is almost always guaranteed. Of course, that’s not really a surprise given that the holidays are my busiest work season, on top of just being a busy season in general. Once they’re over, not only am I just plain exhausted, but the winter blues tend to also be simultaneously settling in, which, you know makes for a really great combo.

All that to say, I knew a rut was coming in January, but nothing could have prepared me for the magnitude of the one I experienced.

While I have come to accept so much of what is our new normal, I’ve also had a hard time wrestling with things that were a part of my identity, not ready to let those parts of me go and not quite ready to move onto new identities either. So there I’ve been aimlessly adrift in-between multiple identities, none of which seemed to fit.

Couple that with the fact that I realized it has been almost a year since I even got on a plane, or heck, even ate in a restaurant. Travel and socializing feels like a distant memory that is fading farther and farther away by the day. I mean, I know that this pandemic won’t last forever, but some days it feels next to impossible to see the end. And though things will reopen one day, you also can’t help but realize it may never be quite the same. Things will be gone, maybe forever, things will be different, things will be replaced and changed. What will life on the other side of all of this even look like?

Then there’s just the fatigue of being in one (small) place almost 24/7. I feel a bit like a caged tiger, waiting, pacing, to be free to roam again. The mess never vanishes, there are always clothes to fold, and have I also mentioned that the dishes, like, quite literally never end??! Even when I haven’t cooked, poof, like magic, dirty dishes just seem to appear, taunting me and making me think I’ll never have a completely spotless kitchen ever again.

And, of course, let’s not forget the political climate, the social injustices happening, the capitol attack, the constant bombardment of news that seems to go from bad to worse on a daily basis. It’s almost more than one can take. In fact, it is more than one can take.

Have I mentioned we’re only human? We’re not built to survive all this without all the other things that provide distraction (human interaction, hangs with friends, movies and concerts, eating out, traveling, etc.).

So yeah, I guess you could say it kind of makes sense that I fell into, quite possibly, the worst creative rut I’ve ever had. In fact, it makes even more sense that almost everyone else has fallen into one, too. In fact, when I mentioned the whole creative rut thing on Instagram last week and took a poll to see how everyone else was doing, 96% said they were also struggling, and only a mere 7 said they were actually doing ok! Mind blowing, but also can’t say I’m surprised given everything going on. Also, if I’m being completely honest, it was actually a bit comforting to know I wasn’t alone.

In fact, that’s why I decided to write today’s post, not because I have anything totally groundbreaking to share on creative ruts, but because, if you’re struggling, too, I want you to know that you’re not alone. I may not be an expert on dealing with mental health issues, but I am an expert on experiencing them. And while talking about them may not make them go away, it does help one to feel a little less alone, knowing that someone somewhere out there can relate to what they’re going through. And at this time, when so many of us are more isolated and feeling more alone than ever, I think anything that can make anyone feel less alone in any capacity is so important.

I also think it’s so important, especially in the influencer space, to be open and shed light on these type of subjects, struggles, issues. So much if this Insta world is built on perfection and impossible standards, and that’s just not real. What’s real is having feelings and emotions, and good days and bad days, and struggles and mental health issues. What’s real is being human, not an Instagram filter covered staged snippet of life.

With that in mind, I decided to turn these kinds of chats into a bit of an official series, “Coffee Talk”, which is really just my way of saying it’s an informal chat on life things, mental health things, feelings, experiences, thoughts, words, maybe some things that work for me, nothing overly fancy, nothing super professional and certainly nothing perfect. Simply the kinds of chats you’d have with a friend, over coffee.

While I’ve had these kinds of chats on the site before, it just felt like it was time to make it more of an actual thing. I feel like I have an obligation, in a sea of filters and phonies, to be real, to be human. It’s the least I can do, given that I have this space and platform, where I can share my thoughts, feelings, struggles, ups, downs, whatever it is, so that maybe, perhaps, even one less person will feel less alone.

Excited to share more (my next one coming up will be about getting out of ruts) and looking forward to all of the “chats” we’ll have over coffee (or tea or cocktails or whatever your drink of choice is), friends!